It is 4:45 and I hear a wailing ghost, or is it a dying goat? Oh, it is my 1 1/2 year old daughter.
Normally in this circumstance I would lay motionless and think happy thoughts while awaiting the wife to get up and deal with her. (We usually play this game until she -the wife- gets really pissed off and storms out of the room) Today I had to 'man up' and rise and fucking shine, she needs her sleep seeing how I am home all day, whatever.
I drag my dead corpse out of bed and of course my two spoiled rotten cats want food. MEOW MEOW MEOW mew mew mew MEOW MEOW. FINE, FUCK! I go into the room, grab their bowls, open the closet that keeps the cat food and attempt to fill the bowls but the mutha fuckin' bag is empty. Whatever. There is a giant bag of cat food right there, cool. It has to be the world's most annoying task to open a bag of cat food at ass early in the morning with your bare hands. I got the job done with pure rage.
Ghost is still wailing.
Next task, piss. Stupidly before I fell asleep last night I recall saying 'I kinda have to pee'. Well this morning I really fucking had too piss. I stood there half awake and half pissed off leaning against the wall. Luckily this was the best part of my morning.
Goat is still dying.
Next up, coffee. Yeah I gotta brew this bullshit before I can get the little tike up because otherwise it will never get done by watching Spongebob. Somehow in the coffee making process I spill coffee grounds all the fuck over. MOTHER FUCKER!
I get the wailer up and she isn't happy, screams at my face the whole time I change her diaper. I'm pretty lucky it wasn't a shit diaper or I'm sure I would have managed to get some on the ceiling.
That was my morning. It fucking sucked. Why is there toilet paper on my foot?
Well at least you can write entertainingly about it. I do not envy you this morning. :)
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