Today's Smarmy Society

You look like this in my mind every time you say iPhone instead of phone or telly.

Some of my followers are probably wondering why I've waited this long to talk about one of my most hated enemies - Apple products. Now I'm sure they are fun overpriced gadgets to play with or whatever that's not the entire point I'm trying to make with this shit, its the mentality. Every fucking body I know that has one has to point out that they are using their iPhone or iPad or iPod instead of their phone, mp3 player, or computer/tablet. It's like they get one of those fucking gold stars you used to get from elementary teachers in grade school when you did well on a test, every time they coin the iWhatever. Maybe it is policy when you buy an iProduct that you have to say it. Do you get a kick back?



I find it funny that if you own an old model of an iProduct then you are immediately labeled as lame because that is 'so old' but if the same person saw a guy with a Walkman and was playing tapes he'd be so retro and cool. Fuck you. The dude/dudette probably is strapped for cash got it on a deal and its all they can afford but fuck him/her anyway cuz they prolly overuse the word iPod anyway. The dude with the walkman is prolly just like my brother who has close to 300 pounds of 8 tracks in his garage. Hoarder. While we did get drunk and listen to KISS on 8 track while hanging up a Christmas tree on Xmas eve, 8 tracks shouldn't exist. (If you read that fast and it looks like: while we did get drunk and kissed - reread it mother fucker)

The iPod - The first to bust on the scene. Ugly. That was simple. You say that's a stupid as fuck argument but do you buy ugly cars? Clothes? Do you like to look ugly? Nope. This thing doesn't have a choice it is ugly and I don't buy ugly(most of the time), damn it.

The iPad - The only reason why this thing 'made it' was marketing. Tablet computers have been around for quite a while before this POS but I suppose when you limit the capabilities and make giant icons and put a little i in front of the name POOF its popular. Fuck off with that shit. Again, you get people that say 'Ya sitting in my chair using my iPad to browse the web.' I don't fucking care.  I'm going to drive my Dakota to the store while wearing my Smith & Wesson sunglasses to get some Safeway milk. (I actually had to get off my recliner to look and see what brand ye ol sunglasses were. I flipped over my recliner while typing this to see what brand it was and I couldn't find a brand so I'll just call it the Mor Furniture recliner because that's where I got it.)

The big fucking kahuna, the creme da la creme - The iPhone or more importantly the iPhoner. I've been at social events where everyone in the room is typing away on these fucking things. Why are we all here? Can't I just be at home instead of everyone bragging about the latest iPhone they have? Mother fuckers rush out and get the newest one because it is new. Why? Oh yeah for fucking status!! Choo choooooo - here comes the I don't give a fuck train! Some people also bitch about being broke all the time, yet they have the latest and greatest phone, stupid. People go out to eat and immediately plug into Facebook where they are, then check their email, play a dumb game. Nigga please! You are going out to eat with friends or family - disconnect and have a fucking conversation. No one gives a shit that you are eating at Pete's Taco Palace. I use this thing a lot for work. No you don't. You play Angry Birds or use Facebook on your iPhone because those options are blocked on your computer.The biggest and most retardedest feature has got to be 'auto correct'. People bitch about that shit everyday and its fucking dumb because you can turn it off. Turn it off please. Spare me from reading OH WHOOPS AUTO CORRECT STRIKES AGAIN! I'm sorry I didn't mean pussy I meant peaches.

Before my shit gets jumped (again) I will like to point out that iThink the smartphone is fantasmic for the uber busy, multitasking working person. That being said if you work at Burger King, you don't fucking need one for work.